Rihanna Is Serving Us, Going To Marry Chris Brown

By Steve G. March 20, 2013 @ 12:50 PM

Game. Set. Match. Rihanna.

A source close to the singer, 25, reveals: ‘This is her “F-ck you!” to the world.’ Unsurprisingly, the couple are planning to break with tradition at their wedding, which is likely to happen on a beach near the Sandy Lane resort. ‘Rihanna doesn’t want a big dress or boring old confetti,’ says our insider. ‘She wants to get married in her bikini and have a carnival atmosphere. ‘They want it to be relaxed and fun, like a “playground”, and to celebrate with the people who have stood by them.’

She wins. All I get is a life without fear of a serious beatdown anytime I so much as break wind. Meanwhile this Caribbean queen gets to walk off into the sunset with the mentally unstable asshole of her dreams. Pour it up indeed.

These two are like a trashier version of Mickey and Mallory. And those two killed for fun. Can’t wait to watch the highlights of the wedding video where Chris beats the shit out of Rihanna because she was standing a little too close to the priest and he thought his bitch was getting all up on him. That busted lip is just ‘playground’ baby.

wwtdd

(4) Comments

  1. I Blogged Your Mom 03/20/2013 13:16

    Does this site have an allergy to proper English? Or editors?

    Stop. Starting. Your. Sentences. With. Conjunctions. All it serves to do is insult your audience.

  2. RangerLG 03/20/2013 14:02

    You may now punch the bride.

  3. Digital Wonderbread 03/20/2013 14:52

    What about the conjugal visit trailer? That’s pretty fun.

  4. woody 03/20/2013 20:13

    What does “all I get is a life without fear of a serious beatdown anytime I so much as break wind.” FUCKING MEAN? Why would you not have to fear a beatdown cuz these people are getting married? It makes no sense. This shit gets more unintelligible every day.

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