Tom Sizemore Bangs Your Girl, You Hork His Guitars

Tom Sizemore was the shit in Heat, Saving Private Ryan, and Black Hawk Down. He’s a guy you so wish you could think was awesome. But, he’s a girlfriend-beating drug addict who can’t seem to keep his cock out of trouble. Like banging some dude’s girl at his pad and the angry cuck breaks in with a fake gun, holds you and his girl hostage in the bathroom, then steals a bunch guitars because you’ve previously pawned every other valuable object in your home. That kind of shit ever happen to you? No? Try speedballing. It’s fun. But it will cost you your guitars.

If you’ve never seen the preamble to Tom’s sex tape, his infinite pearls of wisdom on cocksucking and Heidi Fleiss, you really must: