Why Do Celebrity Dudes Get Married?

By Johnny Redd March 08, 2013 @ 6:36 PM

Demi Moore just filed for alimony support against Ashton Kutcher in their divorce proceedings. Since Demi Moore is worth a boatload of cash, take this legal move as a big fuck you to Ashton who cheated on Demi with between one and four-hundred and twenty-seven other women, driving Demi to become a Whip-It fiend.

Michael Jordan filed for a marriage license this week to make it all legal with his new squeeze. The last love of his life wife Juanita got $168 million in a divorce settlement that included testimony from the vaginas of dozens of women not his wife. Despite the massive payout, Jordan figures, what the hell, why not take a voluntary dip back into those waters. Dumbass.

There are many things in life that are mandatory, but marriage isn’t one of them. It’s a completely voluntary act that for some reason men with fame, money, and the ability to have endless amounts of sex with tons of women, still enter into willingly despite the immense odds that they will eventually be ass-raped in for their ode to romance. Why?

It’s okay to think with your dick. Just don’t let it start signing contracts.

(15) Comments

  1. avatar
    alexjanes 03/08/2013 19:50

    Because from the day we’re born we start getting it drilled into our heads (not our butts, that doesn’t come until you sign-up to be an altar boy) that every time you stick your smelly dong into a lady you make baby Jesus cry unless you have magical rings. You know, the magical rings that negate your primal god-given urges and makes your boner never want a different vagina ever again.

    I’m about 90% sure that’s in chapter 4 of the bible.

  2. avatar
    Shiss 03/08/2013 19:57

    I like George Clooney’s method. That man is a genius.

  3. avatar
    Pener 03/08/2013 20:16

    Shissssss….you like George’s method ah?
    Then you must be a cock sucker as well
    George likes ass and cock. All those women with him are called Beards……
    Can you queers turn on the Avatars ?

  4. avatar
    Admiral 03/08/2013 22:23

    It’s probably because Hollywood is a bunch of Liberal fuckin’ douchebags that don’t give a shit about anything but themselves, yet totally feel the need to tell everyone else how to live their lives.

  5. avatar
    Lick-it 03/08/2013 23:24

    Frequently it is cheaper than Hollywood Level whores…..

  6. avatar
    The Mildly Tanned Knight 03/09/2013 02:11

    It’s okay Alex…..the new ownership is fine with retards commenting here.

  7. avatar
    EnderKR 03/09/2013 11:39

    Goddamn, WWTDD sucks now.

  8. avatar
    ThisSiteIsGayPornography 03/09/2013 15:18

    Jordan is getting married again? Why?

  9. avatar
    SomeoneluvsU 03/10/2013 00:37

    Why Do Celebrity Dudes Get Married?

    As I sit here in this cardboard box….
    dead tired from selling my plasma….
    just to write back every cent to my ex-wife….

    I ponder this similar question….
    Is a hit man cheaper than alimony?

  10. avatar
    Beppo 03/10/2013 15:41

    . . . .I’ve soiled myself

  11. avatar
    Lick-it 03/10/2013 18:56

    May I buy the britches, Mr Beppo…???

  12. avatar
    Beppo 03/10/2013 21:43

    Indeed, meinem freunde!

    Summer is almost at an end upon the Steppe, and in the fashion of my gay comrades, I bounce along pantless over the dusty trails, my half-hardened erection a mere remembrance of its once proud glory, but still stout enough to earn my keep come evening, when tired muscles are soothed and the candlesticks are polished with a spit-shined vigor unseen since the grandeur of berchtesgaden at its height!

  13. avatar
    Shortshanks 03/10/2013 22:46

    Beppo…..you illustrate a past we All miss……

  14. avatar
    Toast 03/11/2013 08:26

    What are you a homo?
    What are you a fag?
    What are you a cock sucker?
    What are you a nancy?

  15. avatar
    Maybe_Observer 03/11/2013 09:55

    Toast…..who were you talking to…..???

    ….and you make “cock-sucker” sound like a bad thing….

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