I was in college and I just broke up with my high school sweetheart of, like, seven years, so I hadn’t been with anyone except him. So, I met this boy in college and we saw each other a few times and then we went back to his place and did it. And right afterwards he said to me, “Are you hungry?” And I said “Yeah!” and he‘s, like, “McDonald’s is right across the street, what do you want?” And I’m like, “I want a Big Mac, extra sauce, no pickles!” And he’s like “OK” and he got up and left … and never came back. And I was in his apartment!
And I wait, like hungry … for four hours and I look out the window and I’m like, “McDonalds is closed!” and I realized, Oh my God, he left me. So I had to do the walk of shame back to my college apartment. That was, like, the worst experience. — Jenny McCarthy, to Huffington Post
Jenny McCarthy mentioned college three times in that quote. After extensively Internet researching her for three minutes, it turns out she took some classes at Southern Illinois. Which is strange because I know she fancys herself a doctor and has even cured her own son and millions of others of autism. Though they all now have TB and deadly meningitis. The real story here though is that it took Jenny McCarthy’s brain four hours to send enough of a signal to her legs to get up and look out a window to check if the restaurant directly across the street was in fact closed.
I would have given anything to see the struggle she went through attempting to walk home. Constantly having to remind herself to breath and step at the same time. Who would have guessed she’d end up taking off her clothes to make a living.
Amy Schumer Reveals Hilarious, Awesome, Important, And Unmissable Text Exchange With Jennifer Lawrence