Two years on now and January Jones has still yet to give up the goods on who nailed her pregnant. One top rumor is her X-Men director Matthew Vaughn. Some people don’t like to mention this rumor because it automatically draws a very threatening letter from the attorney for Matthew Vaughn and his taut-faced model wife Claudia Schiffer stating that both Matthew and Claudia categorically deny any involvement in the knocking up of January Jones. And, as you know, when a man denies being the father of the baby of a woman not his wife, that’s incontrovertible fact. It’s like a pinky swear. You can’t lie about that shit.
** For the record, I have no independent knowledge of either Matthew Vaughn or Claudia Schiffer sticking their penises (penii?) into January Jones and dropping their genetic payloads. Though, January Jones is pretty damn hot and there’d be no shame in saying you shot your arrow into her teepee on a lonely night when waiting another six hours for the mutant makeup to set. Not that I have any evidence that that is what happened. Like photographs of a married Matthew Vaughn mounted on top of January Jones while she begs him to make her with child as they both laugh at what an uptight stick Claudia has become. I have no iPhone 4S pictures of that. Or even the mocking laughter of the coitally entwined couple on audio tape. Nobody has that. That seems to back up the denial. So just forget I ever mentioned Matthew Vaughn barebacking January Jones into motherhood with his pent-up jizz as the cuckolding pair made crude jokes about Claudia’s German heritage. Because there’s no proof that ever happened. It’s silly that people even bring this up.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, PCN