Once you get past the heavy drinking and twisted parenting and emotionally retarded need for middle-aged porn attention, Tan Mom has a lot to offer her next soul mate. For instance, her weathered skin can survive pending extreme climate change and she can live entirely off expired canned tomato products. Also, she hates bras, so you can expect those leathery saddle bags to be slapping you in the face every time you go to help her pick up the food stamps that fall out of her purse during street arrests. I'd get in there now, before she's snapped up by an ambitious Buttafuoco.
Photo Credit: PCN