Elle Macpherson Married the Dude Who Might’ve Slept With Gwyneth Paltrow and Also Killed a Man (Not at the Same Time)

By Lex December 24, 2013 @ 4:48 PM

Elle Macpherson And Jeffrey Soffer Out In Aspen
Billionaires are really fucking busy people. I don’t know any personally, but I’m just guessing they have crowded calendars. First, they have to make a billion dollars. That has to take a little time. If you’re this real estate mogul, Jeffrey Soffer, you’ve got to marry Elle Macpherson, and that isn’t happening without a little time and effort, even if you’ve got a billion dollars. You also need to find time to bang Gwyneth Paltrow behind Gay Beethoven’s back and pretend you know how to fly a helicopter when you don’t¬†even if you wind up killing your best friend. That last part is the claim of the dead buddy’s wife, Daria Valdez. She says Soffer was training to be a helicopter pilot, you know, like billionaires do, but wasn’t licensed or ready to fly really yet. Daria claims Soffer was flying her husband and the real helicopter pilot recklessly low to show off his yacht and estate in the Bahamas. That’s so billionaire. A gust of wind caught the helicopter and Soffer lost control and crashed, killing his best friend. Soffer fled the country during the investigation, maybe¬†paid the real helicopter pilot to say he was at the controls, then offered the widow $2 million to shut the fuck up. He even had Elle Macpherson call their mutual socialite friends urging the widow to take the buyout. But she didn’t. She’s suing for $100 million so she can be a mega-millionaire, even knowing that won’t get her in the billionaire club where Jeffrey and Elle are laughing about all the people they can’t wait to kill.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

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(1) Comment

  1. avatar
    punkyitz 12/26/2013 06:46

    funniest thing i’ve read in awhile mainly because i was listening to m&mz new album for the first time and the shit you guys say is similar horrible fun

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