Valentine’s Is Fucking Horrible

By Lex February 14, 2014 @ 7:01 PM

Kelly Brook In A Sports Bra Working Out On The Beach In Venice
There’s no reason for this particular holiday. I understand that somebody gets assassinated or helps found a country or lays their life down in battle or organizes strawberry pickers so they get twenty cents an hour rather than just twelve, they get a big holiday. But love doesn’t deserve a holiday because love is contrived bullshit. Here’s a fact, even your dog doesn’t love you. You think he does, but try not feeding him for a week. He’ll eat your dick off as you sleep. So, he loves you when you feed him. And when you don’t, he bites your dick off. People are pretty much the same. “I love you” is an expression of hope that you will give me some shit I need. It’s survival instinct, like coughing or not joining John Travolta in the showers after racquet ball. There’s nothing wrong with doing what you need to get what you need, it just doesn’t deserve a holiday.

Kelly Brook’s been in love with an awful lot of different men. Does she get take-backs on her misplaced affections? She does not. And she has huge honkers. What do you think your chances are? I think you see what I’m saying. Fuck you, Cupid.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, FameFlynet

wwtdd

(6) Comments

  1. shashan 02/14/2014 19:07

    Don’t worry, fu ckface. I LOVE you even if you ARE a living breathing piece of shit! And even if you’re really NOT a piece of shit and kinda just like me? So…I love you more. You better be cute, Brendon, or I’m screwed again!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Hugh G. Rection 02/14/2014 19:10

    Man, that chick got thick.

  3. Ernst Stavro Blofeld 02/14/2014 19:20

    Just follow the trail of twinkies, fattie…

  4. ThisSiteIsGayPornography 02/14/2014 19:23

    Tig ol bitties

  5. Beylerbey 02/14/2014 20:00

    “What do you think your chances are?”

    With a mudshark? Trick question.

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