Jen Selter Is Ruined

By Lex March 13, 2014 @ 2:51 PM

Jen Selter Photographed by Ruven Afanador For Vanity Fair In Brooklyn
Jen Selter is this Instagram famous model who everybody says has the perfect ass. I’m mot sure what the perfect ass is, but I’d like to think I’d know it when I felt it, right before the police were called and somebody made some accusation of unwanted touching. If you’re Vanity Fair and you get the chick with the perfect ass to do her first big legit photo shoot, the most important thing to consider is how to hide her ass beneath some idiotic costumery. Why not hire DaVinci and ask him to paint your fucking cupboards, you fatuous morons? Granted, I once did hire the local preschool teacher of the year to work my buddy’s bachelor party, but that’s more a statement on how we value teachers in our society than it is an excuse to cover up this model’s amazing ass. I’ve stopped reading Vanity Fair since they let Gwyneth Paltrow shitcan their expose on her being a cheating shitcan. I can’t read a magazine without principles unless it has pictures of naked women. Everybody needs a line in the sand.

Photo Credit: Ruven Afanador / Vanity Fair

(5) Comments

  1. avatar
    deathofirony 03/13/2014 15:14

    *ahem* butterface

  2. avatar
    Beylerbey 03/13/2014 15:20

    I like a woman who’s not afraid to cover her asscheeks in a buffalo pelt.

  3. avatar
    DrainBammage 03/13/2014 16:46

    you expect an industry run by the gays to know how to show off the most alluring part of a females anatomy? in a sexy way?

    why not ask them to rotate your tires or explain zone defense coverage on 2nd and long in the NFL?

  4. avatar
    Hugh G. Rection 03/13/2014 17:39

    It’s too fukcing big. Nice shape but too much volume. She needs to lay off the squats and power cleans for a while and deflate that thing a little.

  5. avatar
    ThisSiteIsGayPornography 03/14/2014 02:44

    Too cute for butterface. Too muscular for the average hetero. I would buttboink her and take the questions later. She is an 8/10 in my scorecard. Overrated for sure, but i never fooked a girl who based her life on working out besides yoga. Yoga girls were always fun.

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