Jessica Pare’s Teeth Will Find You

By Lex March 26, 2014 @ 1:01 PM

Jessica Pare Strips Down In The April 2014 Issue Of Esquire
It’s really great that Jessica Pare can joke about her own massive raping redneck beaver teeth. Because I can’t. I’ve watched Mad Men a few times and they trick you with those long slow tilts up Jessica’s great body in little outfits and then… blammo! The fucking fangs of Hades come at you like an 80′s cheap 3-D horror movie. Even Richard Kiel is left cowering in the corner chewing on a table leg. Jessica is naked, so there’s that on her balance sheet. And the airbrushers did a nice job on softening her grill. But it’s all just a well orchestrated trap to suck you into her recessed gum dungeon where your screams will only drive her central incisors closer to bone.

Photo Credit: Esquire

(4) Comments

  1. avatar
    Toast 03/26/2014 14:30

    A horse is a horse

  2. avatar
    God Hath Spoken 03/26/2014 14:35

    It’s amazing to me that people in this day and age don’t know that is 100% correctable.

  3. avatar
    Toast 03/26/2014 14:49

    Do you know of a place where I can have my crooked penis fixed?

  4. avatar
    rantcasey 03/26/2014 16:24

    Mad Men used to be a great show. Jessica Pare’s mouth has ruined this show for me. Get veneers!!!

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