Lea Michele Holds a CD of Lea Michele in Front of a Giant Poster of Lea Michele

When I reach the front of any line and I’m not rewarded with a free turkey or a hummer, I get pretty fucking disappointed. If I did the slow shuffle for an hour only to find myself in front of Lea Michele in front of a giant poster of Lea Michele, I’d probably demand a Butterball and a hummer, settling for the turkey. But likely I’d just be treated to more magazine-ready tales about how Dead Corey Monteith inspired many tracks on Lea Michele’s new album, even though she didn’t actually write or produce any of them.

I didn’t record one word I didn’t feel – whether or not I wrote it.

Sort of the way I excerpted Huck Finn in 7th grade for the story of what I did for my summer vacation. Thankfully my teacher was more racist than well-read and it was my only A of the semester. I suppose you can always hear somebody else’s sad song and take it to be your own interpretation of how you felt when your boyfriend injected himself with time to leave the earth potion.

“And now I will start living today, today, today / I close the door / I got this new beginning and I will fly / I’ll fly like a cannonball,”

I’m not sure flying like a cannonball is the best analogy for starting over after a loss. It’s possible Lea isn’t familiar what happens with artillery at the termination of its flight. Between this and Katy Perry’s ‘do you ever feel like a plastic blag floating in the wind’ I’m wondering if pop music writers aren’t running short on metaphors for air travel. You can’t even find a plastic bag in L.A. anymore. A cannon hasn’t been fired around here since 1846. But, you know, teen girls do connect with anachronistic munitions references. No matter how this album sells, I hope when Lea Michele visits Dead Cory Monteith’s grave with photographers from her next magazine feature, she tells him it was a winner. Like a cannonball.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, Pacific Coast News