Chris Brown To Fly Con Air

April 2, 2014 | celebrity | editor | 0 Comments

Chris Brown is going to have to take a coach seat on con air for his trial in Washington DC. The U.S. attorneys don’t trust the lady beating douchenozzle to get on a plane on his own and not skip the country. So, the prosecution wants his ass shackled and put on a prison transport plane from LA to DC, just like in the awesomely shitty Jerry Bruckheimer flick Con Air. Right now he’s in trouble in LA for parole violations and being a total fucking dirty dick licker. He has to appear in court in DC on April 19th and the attorneys, understandably, think he’s a flight risk. Chris believes the whole thing is totally unfair because he’s technically not a prisoner and should be able to fly first class on United or whatever and get the orange juice in the champagne flute and shit.

I say Con Air is too good for the likes of Chris Brown. They should strap his ass to the hood of a 1989 Chevy pickup truck like a deer carcass and drive cross country. That will give him some time to reflect on his life as he cries for one of his bitches to come pick the bugs out of his teeth. Anger management rehab doesn’t have to be complicated. Whack whack, yeah, your nose is bleeding. You’re done.

Tags: chris brown