Meet Linda Fondren. She is running for mayor of Vicksburg Mississippi, population 50,000. That’s big city Mississippi. Her campaign to stop making her town so fat and so poor hit a snag when rumors of her former life as a prostitute at the Sagebrush Ranch in Nevada leaked out to the townsfolk. But Fondren wasn’t just any sex work. She made so much money boning and investing her boning money, she made enough cash to buy the damn brothel. That’s only 99% more fiscal savvy than represented in Congress. Fondren is responsible for Vicksburg’s walking club dedicated to make the citizens of her city less obese than the other obese towns in Mississippi who help comprise the most obese state in the nation. She claims the participants have lost 15,000 pounds to date through her program. Though 14,000 of those belonged to Really Fucking Fat Charlie who died on his first walk. Fondren’s also disavowed prostitution, which makes her unique from every other politician in the race, or in history. She seems perfect to me. If I lived in Vicksburg and I were landed white gentry qualifying for a vote, I’d cast my ballot for Linda Fondren.
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