The Free the Nipple campaign started with such high minded ideals. Like getting Instagram to allow moderately unattractive women to show pictures of their bare tits without having their accounts suspended. For some reason the Facebook family of soul selling social media outlets doesn’t allow nipples to be shown in any visual medium on their sites. At the same time, Jihadi beheadings and men recounting tales of their last domestic abuse seem to be cool. I’d question the relative moral legitimacy of the nipple ban but then Zuckerberg would back up a dump truck and have me drowned in a sea of hundred dollar bills as his way of screaming ‘scoreboard, motherfucker!.
Rumer Willis and her band of women you’d have no interest in seeing topless banded together at the SkyBar in West Hollywood for a fundraiser of unclear purpose. Nobody actually showed off their nipples save for one woman who breastfed her baby after she had accidentally shown up to the wrong protest. Herein lies the fundamental flaw in almost all bra burning feminist protests. The lack of hot women. That’s the game changer. You can’t win the Super Bowl without a Super Bowl quarterback. It’s cute that women think earnest intentions are enough. It’s like men who think growing a mustache will get them laid. Wake me when you’ve got some Brazilian supermodels in the mix. I’d sell my original series Fantastic Four #3 mint-condition to free those nipples. Rumer Willis can keep her shirt on. The world will still spin. Flame on.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, Getty