Selena Gomez's New Boobs Are Bittersweet

I can't tell if she had implants or the elasticity of her top is making her commando boobs look bigger than before, but it seems pretty fucking haute couture to me. For those who don't speak the romance languages, Haute couture is French for I show my tits off at parties you're not invited to.

Selena had a broken-hearted girl collapse on social media this week apparently related to seeing her mini-Svengali spanking skanks on his Fourth of July booze cruise. She started posting sad videos of herself playing piano and posting photos of desolate landscapes with hopelessly emo captions:

Always said I was going to end up there, but I guess that's where it was meant to end.
Holy Hello Kitty diary nonsense. I wish I spoke wallowing girl so I could translate that. The lesson here is even seemingly successful women make bad choices in men and it ruins them forever. That's the lesson I'm taking away at least, you're welcome to find your own. I bet mine goes over better at the angry women's annual luncheon.

** Be sure to check out Lex and Matt and wonder friends going deeper dive onĀ LastMenonEarth.com. It's WWTDD after hours. **

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

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