Things Not to Do Before Killing Your Child

I’m not super experienced in the ways of infanticide, but it seems to me you could learn a thing or two from Justin Ross Harris who will be executed some day in Georgia for intentionally leaving his son in a baking hot car to suffocate. Justin, and probably his wife too, just didn’t need the aggravation of a young child in their lives. While possible out-routes of adoption or grandparents or even just plain old fashioned abandonment seemed to escape them, Justin surmised that “accidentally” leaving his little boy in the hot car all day was the best way to go. Once you’ve committed to such a nefarious and moronic plan you should probably stay away from:

• Sexting teenage girls while your child is baking in the car
• Visiting Reddit to read articles about “Life without children”
• Watching online videos showing people dying tortuous deaths
• Searching Google for “How to survive prison”
• Watching videos about pets suffocating in hot cars
• Taking out a $25K life insurance policy on your son

Yep, Justin Ross Harris ticked off every single dumbass box on the criminal moron scale. Keystone cops and retards are kind of funny until a kid ends up dead. The two shit bump parents ought to be slow baked themselves in some kind of jerky dehydrator until all the water is gone and only the stupid remains. We could grind up the stupid and feed it to our pets that have figured out how to break into all of our pet-proof shit.

Photo credit: ABC News