Lolo Jones Keeps Losing

September 18, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston | 0 Comments

Repeated non-winner Lolo Jones driveled some fairly transparent attention seeking after losing on Dancing With The Stars. Jones is known for being kind of hot and losing a ton of shit that she was never expected to win. She receives extensive media coverage because she is not covered with hairy moles like her competitors. Her elimination on Dancing with the Stars was most likely due to the fact that people overwhelmingly hate her whether they are bobsled teammates or Americans making poor choices in entertainment. The site of her contrived demon battling face instinctively makes you want to locate the neighborhood children and confirm their safety. Jones’ dramatized Facebook soliloquy does little to betray the fact its based on a cheese dick reality show about ballroom dancing:

“When I was dancing last night and messed up I had flashbacks of the three Olympics and that people constantly tease me about. I thought oh no here it comes again. People are going to ridicule me. I’m so tired of feeling embarrassed. I joined the other competitors upstairs and I couldn’t force a smile on my face. I felt like vomiting and in between the other dances I went in a back room and fought back tears. I felt so broken. So unlovable. Embarrassed”

Jones is running out of things to lose at. I see the next step in her cultural pollution tour as becoming an Evangelical preacher. Its a perfect gig for the psychotically sappy. In fact she showed some solid chops on her Facebook rant:

“That is my way of thinking. Not Gods. Instead I need to trust God that he would heal my heart. That I would not work so hard for the world to validate and redeem me but know that God already conquered that for me on the cross.”

I wouldn’t over think it. Just say thanks for the ass and protein shake and move on. It should be interesting to see who Jones will continue to disappoint in the future as she has alienated all personal contacts and family members up to this point. They probably need a few Pastors in rural Tibet.

Tags: lolo jones