The gloriously retarded Great Leader Kim Jong Un has not been seen publicly in over a month. Speculation in North Korea is running rampant that he may be ill. Also that someone invented a flying machine. Both notions have been discredited by the state run newspaper. Un has had most of his enemies within North Korea killed by hungry dogs, although it’s possible he assassinated people who merely looked a lot like his enemies.
North Korean officials issued a statement that basically translates to, he’s fine, now shut the fuck up or go to labor camp. Un’s disappearance comes amid optimistic diplomatic times for North Korea leading to speculation that action film Liam Neeson may have offed the Great Leader to allow for a less fatty boy in short pants leadership to emerge. In North Korea, you don’t just disappear for a month. There’s truly nowhere to go for a month. It’s like Nevada. You can count on a one month disappearance turning into a several decades long absence explained by Un volunteering himself for the first manned journey to Mars aboard a great North Korean spacecraft built entirely out of the country’s finest rice paper.
Photo Credit: Getty Images