Cosby Like a Raping Immortal

Just when you think, oh, shit, a woman is claiming Cosby slipped her a mickey and raped her in his bungalow all the way back to the 80’s, along comes an AARP member with stories of Cosby and his I feel funny cocktails back in the 60’s. Cosby’s like a raping Highlander. He’s been journeying through time knocking out girls and pleasuring himself since the days of the ancient Celtics. If there’s one thing these Cosby stories have taught us, by the time Cos offers you a redeye cocktail, you’ve already been raped. Or worse according to Joan Tarshis at age nineteen heading back to his bungalow on the Universal lot to ‘talk about material’:

The next thing I remember was coming to on his couch while being undressed. Through the haze I thought I was being clever when I told him I had an infection and he would catch it and his wife would know he had sex with someone. But he just found another orifice to use.

That’s so Cosby. Resourceful bastard. Knee-jerk defenders will point out all of the comedian’s accusers have been young women looking for a leg up in the business and perhaps overly open to some imprudent visits back to the redeye bungalow. But of course they are. Rapists who leap out of alleys wielding knives end up spending their lives in prison. Savvy predators end up living full lives and winning awards and having libraries named after them because they have the cunning to subdue easy targets who will shrink after their attack.

The number of women coming out by name with eerily similar accusations means a case that will never be brought in court is already pretty much settled in public perception. It’s sad really. 7th Heaven dad flashing grade school girls. Cosby unnecessarily drugging young women to feed some weird sexual deviancy. Kindly priests and inspiring coaches. It’s impossible to say who is the raping type anymore. You’re only chance to make it to twenty without orifice violation is to be a pudgy unattractive boy. Thank you, Jesus. You said my blessings would be hidden.