Like many other idiots, each Thanksgiving I feel compelled to visit relatives who live in as cold a fucking place as can support some level of human life. The ice age didn’t just sweep over our tropical environs while we were sleeping on a Tuesday night. It took eons. You’ve had fucking eons to move south, moron relatives. The birds figured it out. Then Jews from New York. It’s time for my inbred lot to caravan south until they see this Venezuelan chick on Miami Beach. I don’t need hearty meatballs at Thanksgiving. I want to see chicks in thongs exfoliating their asses on palm tree trunks.
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