Chris Rock About to Be Raked

I’d wondered why I heard Chris Rock talk about how much he loves his kids while promoting a movie I won’t see on public radio stations I won’t listen to. Turns out he’s working some spin. Rock has a wife who not surprisingly hates him since he’s a mini Bill Cosby who yells at the gardeners in bifocals. Malaak Compton-Rock does unspecified charity work for a living, which means she doesn’t earn shit unless she’s embezzling. She is seeking sole custody of their two daughters since she likes to use children as leverage until she can bang Lenny Kravitz and get her hands on an Amex. Her children are a solid bargaining chip against Rock and she’s going to need a solid settlement since her life skills include telling tax shelters she is Chris Rock’s wife and putting out lox at galas. Seems like Chris was definitely banging Rosario Dawson or Jamie Foxx and this led to the divorce. I understand you’re upset, but leave the children out of it. You coasted by long enough. It’s time to get out into the real world and earn your keep. Being a stay at home mom doesn’t sound too convincing when the kids are going on thirty. They’re going to side with Chris anyway. He’s not house poor. And he’s wicked funny looking and has buck teeth. You be the judge.

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