Ryan Gosling Sucks at Something

Ryan Gosling’s directorial debut Lost River was panned so profoundly by the self-important cinephiles at Cannes that it’s not going to ever see the theaters. Gosling wrote the script too, so you’d got the key grip and the assistant gaffer lefts to blame and nobody knows who the fuck they are. Gosling owns this David Lynch homage fail. Maybe the producers too who want him so badly for the Notebook VII that they indulge him with his need for true artistic expression. This is wonderful news for the eighty million or so men whose wives and girlfriends are thinking of Ryan Gosling this very day while trying to achieve lady orgasm. Knowing Ryan Gosling isn’t good at everything salves the pride just enough to make life bearable. What kind of real man can’t deftly direct a surreal macabre thriller? Not a real man. Sorry, ladies. We’re the best you got left.

Photo credit: Movie still/Lost River