Theresa Guidice Setting Things Up Before the Big House

In a more rational society, everybody connected to Bravo would be chained to dungeon walls and those who didn’t become aroused by flogging would be flogged. Theresa and Joe Guidice of the New Jersey Housewives are set to serve consecutive prison sentences for being piss poor financial frauds. Theresa first for fifteen months, followed by Joe who will get forty-one months. In this staggered manner, either Bonnie or Clyde will be out to provide criminal guidance to their four daughters.

Theresa surrenders to authorities next week and wasted no time in getting her older daughter into a troupe of precocious young girls who dance seductively at Stephen Collins house in exchange for tins of pixy sticks Collins has been saving since the 70’s. They were rather lucky for him back then. Just knowing your overdeveloped daughter is tarted up and gyrating at malls has to ease your mind before entering prison for a stint. Sure, you’ve made mistakes. Who hasn’t committed felony mail fraud? The point is, when you get out, your daughter will be that much closer to landing her own teen who made mistakes reality show and completing the seventh circle of Hades.

Photo Credit: INF (Gia Guidice is on the left)