Oregon Woman Finds God in Her Yoga Pants

A hot looking young Christian mom talked to God and God told her to stop wearing stretch pants in public. Jesus is kind of busy this time of year picking winners in football games, so just a break she even got through. Veronica Patridge talked to her  husband and he confessed that he found lust in his heart when he saw other women’s asses in yoga pants. Patridge decided leggings were simply not biblical. Even though the bible actually says nothing about leggings, or provocative clothing at all. It mostly just advises men not to shtup their slave wives during their monthlies and to be kind to their prostitutes.

God also told Patridge she should blog her yoga pants revelation to spread the message about gaping camel toes in public.

And at that moment, I made a personal vow to myself and to my husband. I will no longer wear thin, form-fitting yoga pants or leggings in public. The only time I feel (for myself) it is acceptable to wear them, is if I am in the comfort of my own home or if I am wearing a shirt long enough to cover my rear end. 

She’s not actually giving up leggings, she’s just going to buy some trendy tops at Forever 21 to cover her ass cheeks. Smart move. God would not want you wasting all those Lululemon pants that swaddle your gams so nicely. Attractive Christian women have all sorts of problems you can’t imagine. It’s God’s way of testing them. I have given you the gift to create raging boners, now, don’t ever use it. Psyche.

Photo credit: Allison Harp/Courtesy of Veronica Partridge)/OregonLive.com