Back in the day, guys used to snag girls’ bikinis in the water. That was when we didn’t realize we were actively promoting the rape culture. Re-education camps and Rolling Stone articles without proper sourcing have trained us to be better. Now I routinely march to have boys caught during panty raids chemically castrated. Unless they just like wearing the panties, then maybe a GLAAD award and a talk show. Life is much simpler with harsh, unforgiving rules of conduct. Men are born horrible but the trains run on time. Let us all concur and slide quietly behind Judd Apatow’s beard.
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