Drunk Floridian Grandma In A Bikini

Patricia Ebel, a bikini clad 49 year old Naples grandmother, drunkenly totaled her car while her ten year old grandson rode shotgun. I’m not passing judgement. Kids nowadays are strapped into holstered cockpit chairs melded to the vehicle’s frame. The dudes on Apollo 18 would be jealous. How do you jerk off in space? A stolen Kia these days is safer than the Lincoln you used to get to church in with the mustard stained futon in the back. She could take the plunge off Niagara Falls and the kid would just be pissed he lost his iPad. We used to do pull ups off the roll bar in my mom’s Bronco when she was taking us to the driving range to retrieve balls. It’s called wholesale. Not a bad racket. Ebel attempted some field sobriety tests and failed miserably. Give yourself a concussion and stumble into court. Warren Sapp is available. Case dismissed. By the looks of  it you’re going to hit a wall anyway. Why waste the time on community service. You’ve got another two years before the dudes outside the Bufallo Wild Wings stop offering to bang you in the Honey Wagon. Tell your great granddaughter to hit me up when she gets her teeth fixed. Does the community college have a decent food court?

Photo Credit: Om@news/Youtube