Kathy Ferreiro Wants To Be the Cuban Kim Kardashian

You can’t just pick up Derek Jeter’s glove and become a Hall of Fame shortstop. Neither can you inject your ass with seventeen pounds of suet and anoint yourself the next Kim Kardashian. Being a midget with a ginormous fake ass alone doesn’t make you heir to the iron whore throne. It’s what’s on the inside that counts. For instance, the sperm of a thousand famous black men. You got that? Kim’s uterus was so filled with man crust, she had to have it surgically excavated. How about a cloying succubus manager who schooled at the foot of Satan? Y tu mamá también? That’s Spanish for, were you forced to blow many important foreign men during kindergarten nap time?

Kim Kardashian wasn’t born famous, she was built famous. You want to replicate her formula, you’re going to have to break into the vault. It’s next to the ingredients of Coca-Cola and the genetic code for Sea Monkeys. Until then, you’re just a fat ass with a dream like the rest of us.

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