Russell Westbrook To the Rescue (VIDEO)

Sex seemed awesome sophomore year in high school until you wound up with two kids and no car to chase down your baby daddies. Enter Russell Westbrook. Westbrook won a Kia Sorrento for being the MVP of the NBA All-Star game back in February. Seeing as how Westbrook makes $17 million a year and he’s not autistic, he’s never going to drive a Kia Sorrento or shop Payless for knockoff sneakers. The Oklahoma City Thunder P.R. people spotted a unique opportunity for Westbrook to hand over his Kia to local teen mom so she could cry and learn a valuable life lesson about how NBA players are more likely to take care of you and your kids if there’s no court order compelling them to do so. I’m not saying girls who see no future ought to get knocked up in high school so they can win a car from Russell Westbrook, but I’d rank it above Indian Casino bingo in terms of chances for success. Drive the car around the block where your bitch single mom friends live and show off your Kia. Ask them if they want a ride to their shift at Arby’s then drive away before they reach for the handle. No wonder you’re crying. This is the best day ever.