Jake Gyllenhaal Has So Many Girlfriends

Jake Gyllenhaal is rumored to be dating Ruth Wilson coming as a shocking blow to not all his buddies in the not gay bar he never attends thrice a week. The couple were spotted participating in an outdoor exercise program for suburban pussies known as Barry’s Boot Camp and then kissing afterwards before Wilson left with a group of people most likely including her publicist and the male stripper/paparazzi they hired from the clown college. Sounds authentic to me. Nothing I like more than a glutes tightening pick me up with my lady before jerking off in the sauna. The choice of an outdoor park based workout program seems especially transparent. Maybe just block off the 101 next time and wait for the news choppers. You’re not fooling me on this one Jake. Your eyes are so soft but something lies beneath. The Scientology support team can be there in five. Keep your mouth shut. No, more than that. That’s still enough room for a small cock.

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