Amber Rose Goes For The Pulitzer

Amber Rose has a self help book coming out in October and photoshopped off 30 pounds for the cover by running a computerized simulation of a diet. The book is titled How To Be A Bad Bitch. The cover is based on some greek mythology Rose is definitely not familiar with but most likely entails the unemployed triumphing over a big ass dragon. The book details several of Rose’s life experiences such as blowing homosexual modeling agents while they pretend she’s Sisqo. Was Ja Rule not available? I’ve been eating pineapple all week. Rose summarized the book while snacking on a hormone inflated turkey leg:

“A Bad bitch is sweet, confident, well rounded has her finances straight, knows what she wants and goes for it. Everyone that meets her loves her.”

Possibly, but I’m pegging anyone who buys this as a floundering neophyte. Get a refund and buy a Greyhound ticket home. This is the last time I take life lessons from someone whose job is Instagram. If you want to read it in Braille don’t swallow and hover over some printer paper. Everyone’s hotter in an artist’s rendition. Does this come with bottomless fries?

Photo Credit: Instagram