Rachel Dolezal Just Wanted to Be Black

The director of the Spokane NAACP is under fire because it turns out she may not be black. The NAACP asserts that being black isn’t a pre-condition of running the place, just more of a strong suggestion by way of acronyms. According to Rachel Dolezal’s parents, their daughter’s Swedish. Which is like black, but also the exact opposite. In addition to making herself up to appear black and speaking of her black bio dad who her mom can’t seem to remember ever banging, she took a seat on the local police board under the I’m Super Black checkbox. She’s also filed racial harassment complaints as a black woman, which is the kind of bleak irony her Swedish ancestors would appreciate.

Ruthanne Dolezal of Troy, Montana, told reporters this week that she has had no contact with her daughter in years. She said Rachel began to “disguise herself” after her parents adopted four African-American children more than a decade ago. Rachel later married and divorced a black man and graduated from historically black Howard University. Ruthanne Dolezal also showed reporters pictures of her daughter as a child, with blonde hair, blue eyes and straight hair.

Fucking moms. They ruin everything. So your daughter wants to be a black activist and bone brothers down with the cause. Let her be. She hasn’t really been reaping in the cash lying about her heritage. Being black in Eastern Washington is no dance party. Half of Hollywood is pretending to be gay now just to fit in. Our former Speaker of the House was pretending to like adult women. You want to run the NAACP? Groovy. I’m pretending to be considerate from now on. Lying actually makes the world better.