Cecil the Lion Unavenged

October 13, 2015 | Uncategorized | Lex Jurgen | 0 Comments

The Zimbabwe government decided not to press charges against the dentist who slaughtered Cecil the Lion because the dentist reminded the Zimbabwe government of his financial generosity while  the lion’s family could only roar on occasion and take extended naps alongside their own feces. The government ruled that Dr. Walter Palmer had the appropriate paperwork to murder, fuck, or marry anything he wanted to in Zimbabwe during his visit. Things turned ugly when the tribunal blamed the lion for being so damn killable and basically asking for it.

It turns out being modestly affluent in Minnesota is nothing compared to being a relative billionaire spender in the shit country of Zimbabwe. Tourism ranks just behind the sale of diseased corpses on the country’s primary revenue sectors. You start making rules for the rich white hunters coming to kill your critters and you might as well forget that new domed stadium you were planning.

Tags: walter palmer