Experimental Theater Still Horrible

Experimental theater used to just be drab and boring and pretentious. Now, it’s finally killed. Raphael Schumacher decided that his scene in a play in Pisa, Italy would be more compelling if he were hung to death rather than shot in his execution scene. Schumacher had the stage hands help him into his newly crafted noose and dangled ever so realistically from a gallow. The play was staged such that various scenes were set in different areas of the theater and the yard outside. The audience of women and men who were forced by women milled about from scene to scene.

Raphael Schumacher hung with his head covered in a sack. It was dramatic. Especially so since he couldn’t breathe or free himself. Everybody admired his method work until some chick in the audience who had medical training noticed his limbs spastically twitching in the manner of an animal at slaughter. Onlookers rushed to un-hang Schumacher who was take to the hospital and now appears to be fully brain dead. Theater people like to press non-theater people with the notion that anything can happen in live drama, which makes it better than those super comfy captains chairs and a big soda at the movies. It’s true. In Deadpool, nobody dies for real. Everybody goes home alive. Advantage or disadvantage? You can’t feel up your girlfriend in front of a guy asphyxiating to death. Unless your girlfriend is awesome.

Photo credit: CNN.com