Nobody’s even pretending the impetus for Baywatch the Movie is anything but money. There’s no creative juice beyond trying to slip hot chicks and hunky shirtless dudes into a PG-rated movie for an audience that somebody in marketing believes exists. They better hope it’s The Rock audience and not the Zac Efron audience or they’re going to take a financial punch on the chin. Unlike Entourage which couldn’t possibly be good, this one won’t even contain nudity. Leo DiCaprio’s most recent dump job is pretty fucking hot, but do you want to see her talk for ninety minutes? Leo only put up with eleven then got her a Greyhound ticket and a rinsed out milk carton full of morning after pills. Did you say something, sweetheart? I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you above the roar of the bus. Smiles everyone. Tattoo, bring me my next lay.
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