Cindy Crawford Taunting The Old and Ugly

Crawford’s doing it again. Shitting on your ability to manage expectations. Undoing life’s hardest lesson: accepting mediocrity. Crawford is fifty years old. She recently posted a picture on Instagram, from some exotic Caribbean locale, of herself in a bikini. She looks fucking amazing. Not amazing for a fifty-year-old. She has abs and shit. Good luck fucking your old, dimpled wife after seeing that.

“[My husband] caught me in the blue lagoon!”

Sure. Like this wasn’t staged. Like she doesn’t know what she’s doing. With her smoking hot fourteen-year-old daughter breathing down her neck, Crawford had to do something to fend off the creeping feeling of menopausal obsolescence. And in the process reminded the rest of us of our failures. By rest of us, I mean women. I’ve never wanted to look like any other guy in my gym locker room.

Photo credit: Cindy Crawford / Instagram