Kylie Jenner Fucking, But Not With Child

InTouch Weekly has reported Kylie Jenner as pregnant around seven times. Either they don’t know where abortions come from or they’re just making up shit to sell copies. This is precisely the kind of sexist horror Jennifer Aniston bemoaned while kicking her cat’s caretaker. Jenner took to Twitter to confirm that she’s eighteen and fucking a failed rapper who previously knocked up her half-brother’s fiancee, but she’s still without a baby:

Omg. No I’m not pregnant. It’s been the same rumor for years & no baby. So when I decide to go to that next stage in my life…I’ll be the first to let you know…Not a weekly blog.

The whole ‘for years’ things is illuminating when you’re eighteen and that for years thing is pregnancy rumors. The Kardashians have been dutiful about sharing pregnancy updates with the general public. From leaking cream pie to coming home from the hospital, it’s all sold somewhere. If you’re life hangs in any balance over when this trained showpiece will carry a fetus to term, it’s time to find the exit bag. Next life, try a little harder. Be the one getting paid.

_{Photo credit: Splash News/AKM-GSI}