US Swimmers Officially Disgraced

Ryan Lochte, Jack Conger, Gunnar Bentz, and Jimmy Feigen should not ever show their faces in public again. They’re cowardly dipshits and a bunch of drunks on top of it. What was supposedly a holdup at gunpoint turns out to be these idiots pissing outside at a gas station, doing some minor vandalism, and getting put in their place by a rent-a-cop followed by filing fake police reports and regaling the media with tales of their rugged adventures. The story made zero sense from the beginning, most notably Ryan Lochte’s self described badass disregard for his life: 

“We got pulled over, in the taxi, and these guys came out with a police badge… They pulled out their guns, they told the other swimmers to get down on the ground — they got down on the ground. I refused, I was like we didn’t do anything wrong, so I’m not getting down on the ground. And then the guy pulled out his gun, he cocked it, put it to my forehead and he said, ‘Get down,’ and I put my hands up, I was like ‘whatever.'”

Everyone’s a rebel without a cause when they’re making up the story on the spot. Swimmer pussies with dyed hair don’t stand up to armed Rio street thugs. You fuckers wanted attention, now you have it. Let’s not let this one go. A few weeks in a Brazilian jailhouse should teach you a lesson. If you want to film that it will be the only reality show I’ll watch involving swimmers. Following that I never want to hear Ryan Lochte’s stupid ass name again.