Giving a kid a majestic name is the standard setup for a gutter ball of a future. King Cairo, the boy child Tyga fucked into Blac Chyna because each misread the tea leaves on the other’s financial prospects, now shuttles between life with his 400 FICO score midget rapper dad living off his 19-year old Jenner girlfriend and his stripper mom and her reality show pregnancy with Still Fat Rob Kardashian. Dwell on that for a moment and I dare you not to cry.
The broken home kid where both split parents hook up with Kardashians has to be the unluckiest child in the world. The odds of two shitty parents and even shittier step-parents on both ends are reasonably long. I never feel compelled to hand over my credit card number to the girl in Guatemala who needs only 39-cents a day to have shoes to walk through the open sewer lines in her village. For King Cairo, I’m opening a political fund encouraging Child Protective Services to get involved. Give the kid a decent childhood before puberty and his genetic destiny crushes his tiny soul.
Photo Credit: Complex