Your In Flight Team Has A Sweet New Look

Like most people who travel the skies frequently, your primary concern is flight attendant wardrobe. Right after an hour wait in the non bomb country profiling TSA line and the fat guy from Akron who just dropped a room clearing deuce in the men’s room last updated when Nixon was in office. Also, lack of nuts.

Delta airlines proudly unveiled their new Zac Posen designed flight attendant wear. There aren’t many jobs where employee uniforms are updated via a fashion show. Victoria’s Secret and sports teams come to mind, but they sell their gear. I don’t remember much fanfare with a change in the janitorial jumpsuits from Aramark. The mercurial young Posen says he followed around flight attendants to watch them at work. Or in the showers. Just kidding, male flight attendants aren’t gay. Not by fiat. There goes my Presidency.

I’ve been on precisely two Delta flights in my life. One had an emergency landing after smoke filled the cabin after take-off as the shabbily dressed flight attendants screamed and panicked in the aisle, the second found my lost luggage sans my stashed weed. Do I care if you’re feeling more gracious and poised in your new pant-suit?

I want my weed and somebody who won’t turn crank the hatch release repeatedly in the wrong direction in the event of a water landing. In the event of a ground landing, we’re all dead. My last view on earth will be your newly tailored pleats. We know you’re unhappy and uncoupled and we prefer the comfort of your unisex bitchy familiarity. This mattered so much more when we had stewardesses.

_{Photo credit: Delta Airlines}