Miss World Puerto Rico Over the Top

In case you missed it, Miss World Puerto Rico was crowned Miss World 2017. Nobody knows what the Miss World pageant is because it was largely made up recently to compete with the Miss Universe pageant which nobody knew about much until Trump started coming on to all the contestants. Which is the only reason to create a beauty pageant in the first place. Also, to troll New York college campuses for hot chicks and ask them if they have any ethnic origin they can claim to represent foreign countries. That’s essentially Miss World. The vast majority of international contestants seem to be English speaking art majors at CCNY.

Unlike other pageants, Miss World takes a cue from politically correct culture and has eliminated the swimsuit portion of the competition, replaced by reciting one’s charitable and social works curriculum vitae. Though in later rounds the young women are asked to reveal their modeling skills because everybody wants to end on a semi-realistic note. Miss World Puerto Rico really shined in the rehearsed answer to what would you do if you could do anything to change the world:

“What I would do is send the message of how important it is to change exclusion for acceptance, to promote and provide justice for others, and the importance of helping those in need.”

A somewhat generic if not banal and trite response that struck a note with the judges wondering if her pussy tasted spicy. Miss World Canada mentioned human right abuses in China and was quickly swept up in a giant global corporate net and whisked from the stage. Her parents were sent a note as to where to find her remains.

The age of Buzzfeed feminism has confused the shit out of people such as beauty pageant organizers. What to do when you’re in the business of selling tits and ass and that straight offer is no longer politically viable? The one-toe in the water nonsense is the worst of both worlds. Now you have pretty nineteen year olds who have to replace bikinis and heels with Model U.N. speeches on humanitarian issues.

You want your ugly people doing ugly people stuff. You want your tall people playing basketball and your short people being mocked and ridiculed and becoming tech giants or hard rock musicians. You change the natural order and the zebras start eating the lions and everything goes to hell. You can’t even gin up an excuse and a chintzy prize package to get sixty hot chicks together anymore for the purposes of getting laid. In better days, Lamar Odom would’ve died fucking those two hookers. The end is nigh. 

_{Photo Credit: Splash}