January 17, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen | 0 Comments
Dancing With the Stars ballroom dancer, Peta Murgatroyd, spent hours making herself up and fixing the selfie lighting in her marbled bathroom to prove she’s one of you. She might be propped up on her human Hmong man servant. Being common takes more work than ever before.
Murgatroyd made a baby with one of the gay Russian dancing brothers on DWTS whose name is too complicated to spell. She’s been posting glowing perfect images of their new love life with baby since. Before they knew any better, models were showing off their post-baby bodies on Instagram, firm and taut again thanks to their genetics, diet, and fast return to exercise. These accomplishment photos were quickly labeled body shaming. Not to be confused with hating on people who work hard or are naturally better than you. Though technically identical.
The new correct custom has been re-defined as models and dancers pretending baby birthing recovery is a plague for all women equally, misunderstood greatly by the patriarchy.
Real life: I took this photo 8 days post birth. I left the hospital looking 5 months pregnant. Many people think a woman should shrink right back to her pre-birth weight immediately. That is just not the truth for most. The female body is incredible and resilient, but healing and strengthening take time. Now it’s time for patience and hard work. Lots of love to all the new mamas out there on the journey.
The twelve year old girls penning articles for Hello Giggles opined thoughtfully: ONE THOUSAND YESES! Though bear in mind girls don’t get math.
The goal is blind validation. This hot dancer is one of us. She gets to make babies with extraordinarily handsome men, live in the lap of luxury, and dress up in sequins and dance for a living, but that’s close to our part-time gig pushing scientifically unproven homeopathics at Whole Foods. The female equivalent of drunk Tony at the sports bar showing off his gut and insisting this is what it means to be a real Packers fan. Fuck yeah, Tony. You’re our Hello Giggles.