Bryce Dallas Howard Teases Shitty Sequel

March 13, 2017 | celebrity | matt-ralston | 0 Comments

Ron Howard’s daughter Bryce Dallas Howard was one of the leads in the most recent Jurassic Park movie, which featured a plot that made absolutely no sense, a bunch of GCI raptors flying around at random, and a thoroughly anticlimactic ending to tease the impending sequel. Shouldn’t you make sure the first reboot installment doesn’t blow before you line up a slate of nine trilogies? That’s rhetorical. Also, pointless to ask.

People will go see anything they recognize by name. You could release a Mr Clean movie or a Flo the Progressive Insurance lady movie or a movie about the guy on the Pringles can and people would bring their kids to it as long as the foul language was kept at bay. The most recent Jurassic World killed at the box office, and Universal likely paid off a bunch of movie critics just for good measure. Free trips to L.A. and unlimited popcorn buckets is more than most can resist.

They might not be as confident in the upcoming Jurassic World 2, because cast and crew, especially Bryce Dallas Howard, can’t keep from teasing it on social media with photos and leaks and Q&A sessions full of empty promises. They are probably allowing this as part of a marketing tactic. If your movie is good you try and keep shit under wraps. If you had an enormous dick, you wouldn’t tell a chick you were dating that, you’d wait for the big reveal. In fact, you’d live for that.

“It’s gonna be good!”

The last one wasn’t good, and one would assume this one will be worse. The second movie in a trilogy is always the worst, as there are a lot of painfully obvious cliched plot points to set up for the grand finale, which will also be incredibly disappointing if you’re over age ten.

To state the obvious, Howard will be saying dumb lines in front of a green screen while hoards of Indians toil away in sweat shops designing the dinosaurs. Her prediction means roughly as much as the craft service guy’s. They’re trying too hard, this one is going to be extra shitty. Buy an extra ticket for your service dog, maybe it will crack a trillion. The creatives at the studio should be duly rewarded for reading that issue of Variety from sixteen years ago.

Photo Credit: Instagram


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