Megan Jayne Crabbe Figured It Out

While waiting for Trump to create millions of new great jobs, many millennials have taken it upon themselves to invent labor categories of their own. ‘Unemployed’ is not the right answer when your parents paying your rent ask you about your prospects. ‘Body-positive feminist ed warrior’ on the other hand connotes grueling hours of toil and a healthy pinch of social justice. It’s almost like that four year Women’s Studies degree is paying for itself.

Megan Jayne Crabbe, aka Bodypoispada, is scooping up social media followers by shitting out an arsenal of layman’s health and medical advice for chunky women. Everybody’s a doctor or scientist these days on Instagram. Most of her wise words are centered around the notion that you shouldn’t give a fuck what anybody thinks about you but yourself. It’s a nice way to couch denial and it makes for some killer memes:

3 Tips for a Cute Stomach: 1. Look at your tummy. 2. say ‘wow’ this is a cute tummy. 3. congratulations, you have a cute tummy.

Very Lombardi-esque. You wonder if you can cure adult onset diabetes through the same three step process.

Much of Crabbe’s content is dedicated to hating boys for evaluating women based on looks. Normal human behavior makes for an excellent straw man. The best way to build a sisterhood is post photos of yourself in bikinis that don’t cover your fat rolls and note how proud you are of your cellulite. Jogging is so last century. Crabbe blew the minds of her blogging peers by posting a photo of herself from a couple years ago when she was skinny (eww!) side by side with a photo of herself today overweight and much healthier:

On the left is me 2 1/2 years ago, just before I found body positivity, and on the right is me today. You’ll probably notice the most obvious thing I’ve gained between these two pictures: weight. But there are so many other things I’ve gained as well. I’ve gained mental freedom.

Crabbe notes how unhappy she was working out and having abs and denying herself food and how eliminating all of that has made her mental health numbers shoot through the roof. She finds herself much relaxed now eating cheesecake. Go figure.

Crabbe reminds everybody that mental health is a vital aspect of total health. Ergo, when you’re physically fit and unhappy, you’re actually unhealthy. Though the theory relies on the notion that you’re unhappy working hard to stay in shape. Which makes you wonder why 22 million women have gym memberships and tens of millions more belong to weight loss programs while zero millions belong to organizations that officially promote going whole hog. Patriarchy is the convenient answer.

I know you think it’s a good idea to subsidize your grown kids stupid ideas and part-time work. In your mind, pretend that body positive feminist ed warrior is another name for crack and you’ll find the will to resist.