Danielle Bregoli Pleads Guilty

Danielle Bregoli, who has been fourteen with fake tits for the past five years, copped to some fairly serious charges in juvenile court in Florida, where she simply had to be from.

Last year Bregoli stole her mom’s purse, her car, and when her mom got pissed about that, called the cops on her mom for using heroin. That turned out not to be true, but only by random happenstance. Bregoli’s mom has since forgiven her daughter because she needs her daughter’s future paychecks to cover the trailer hookup bills. Bregoli has since been busted on marijuana possession and various brawling incidents which would be easier to deny if they didn’t have millions of views on YouTube.

Bregoli’s guilty plea to grand theft, grand theft auto, and smoking the dank have to mean some juvie time. Even for a court system that bends over backward for famous people knowing they can never be convicted by retired cat ladies mesmerized by well paid attorneys. She’s got four more weeks before sentencing to find some childish garb, a teddy bear, and work up some tears about a lost childhood.

At the hearing, Bregoli’s estranged dad, Ira Peskowitz, begged the judge to block his daughter from using the Internet while awaiting sentencing.

“She posts 24-7. It’s controlled by an alleged management team that promotes absurd behavior for a 14-year-old child.”

Peskowitz represents the smart, objective thinker in this reality TV broken home child exploitation drama. Thus, he was met by the judge who refused his request. Kids need to be kids. 

Anticipate a regular Facebook live sesh from Bregoli in the teen slammer. The way she’s aging on paper she won’t be able to do topless until 2039. Since nobody can even imagine a manner in which she becomes a productive citizen, best to keep her locked up until then.

_{Photo Credit: Backgrid}