Kendall Jenner Stalker Restraining Order

Those of you perplexed by who follows Kendall Jenner will be marginally interested to know that the answer is: Stalkers. Literally following her. Not black people looking for trend-forward t-shirts as previously suspected. The Daily Mail even claims that Jenner is “popular among stalkers,” which is all the fuel I need to get through this day. Thomas Hummel’s bad taste in women is now made public as the courts have slapped him with a restraining order against Jenner. 

The twenty-two-year-old Hummel states that he remembers Jenner from public run-ins in 1998 and 2008 – placing Jenner at three and thirteen years of age. In February, Hummel began sending Jenner love letters, which she promptly framed and hung in her bedroom. After making love to them. But when Jenner shockingly didn’t respond, Hummel started to keep it real in his transcripts, writing:

[You’re] an internet whore, cackling your way through life. 

and

You look like you’ve been fucking AHOLE Dog Shit in the sewer for years.

Nail, you’ve been hit on the head. Hummel is also convinced that Kris Jenner whored Kendall out to A$AP Rocky for cash. Kris turning tricks with her daughters’ taints? So we know Hummel has eyes and a pulse. Hummel must now stay 100 yards away from Jenner and stop his correspondences. 

Attracting the doting eyes of a stalker is the Hollywood dream. Allure that drives men insane. Before Hummel, a homeless man named Shavaughn McKenzie was sentenced to jail for stalking Jenner. Not sure what she’s complaining about. These are the best prospects any of the Jenndashians have had yet. Put a ring on it, Internet whore.

_{Photo Credit: Instagram}