PETA Cock Blocking

Online dating is a gift and a curse. Sure, every once in a while you find a slutty girl amongst the too old, crazy, unattractive hoards that have an online dating profile. But your competition is a flooded market of individuals who will attempt anything to seem interesting and relevant. Tinder is already littered with plenty of unfulfilled expectations in the form of potential partner matches. Nothing screams, “I’m just trying to get you to swipe right by any means” louder than a Tinder selfie pic with a live tiger. There’s even an Instagram dedicated to archiving these desperate douches, and PETA has a problem with it. 

PETA would like to stop people from sitting on/high-fiving/cuddling/bottle feeding/trolling/chilling with tigers for their Tinder profiles. In their letter to Tinder co-founder and chairman Sean Rad, PETA writes: What might, at first swipe, look like a harmless picture actually means that someone was caged, dominated, and tied down or drugged before their photo was taken and uploaded online. As proof, PETA has posted a video of tourists manhandling miserable looking baby tigers for photos. It calls on Tinder to “help protect pussies [author note: come on] by banning the most selfish selfie of all.”

Typically I’m against PETA. Not because I hate animals, but because PETA is basically a bunch of pricks. The animal rights activists will randomly ruin anyone’s expensive fur coat with low-quality red paint. They’re Bloody Mary to fur coat enthusiasts. Joe Montana Parkinson’s shakes every time someone mentions them. But this is finally something I can get behind. I am genuinely grateful for this cockblock campaign that PETA is spearheading. Not because I love tigers, but because I love seeing hipsters get mauled in unscrupulous zoo settings. Besides, Mike Tyson had tigers, and that guy is known for his great ideas.