World’s Sexiest Russian Suicidal Biker is Dead

In Russia, nobody’s attractive at forty. There are attractive Russian women. They’ve all left. Or stayed and young weathered like bronze in the sea air. Olga Pronina dubbed herself the world’s sexiest motorcyclist. The field is not immense. Good looking women tend not to want to chance cement burning their face like ground beef across the pavement. 

Pronina, who went by the code name, Monika, to her fan base on Instagram, routinely pulled off some savage high speed bike stunts in tank tops and shorts. It’s like shaving with a straight razor with a killer hangover and your eyes closed shut. It’s Russia, Jake. 

“By the way, doing 250kmph and holding one hand is very uncomfortable. I do not recommend But I got my adrenaline dose.”

For the record, that’s only 150 mph in countries that matter. Still pretty fucking stupid. This isn’t like Roy and the Tigers. You kind knew one day one would chomp that motherfucker for all the anal probing in the manger at 2am, but it wasn’t inevitable. With motorcycle stunt people, especially those flaunting every single precaution possible, it’s inevitable.

Pronina died this past week hitting a side rail in Vladivostock and flying some unknown distance. For gruesome distinction purposes, the rear tire of her bike was found six hundred meters from her body. Or a third of a mile if you want to consider how far she may have traveled by air and ground.