Al Franken, Not Unexpected Small Man Groper

There are some brands of criminals who don’t have the look of their crimes. Can you spot a bank robber, or a check kiter, or a solar energy panel scam artist? Probably not right in your midst. Whereas pedophile, prostitute, and ass grabber are all easily identifiable by loser look, mustache, or fuck-me pumps. 

Acting and music and politics is a tremendous career draw for high school losers with bruised egos. A bevy of men scorned by women for their short stature, measly looks, or clam digger corduroys throughout their formative years. Politics in particular allows these inferior members of the species who never excelled at sports or girls or commerce to recast themselves as men on a mission. You’ve likely spotted these traits from afar, but unless you’ve lived or worked in DC for a period of time, you have no real idea as to the general pool of losers operating beneath the capitol dome. 

If you had no idea that Al Franken was a shrieking mimsy of a petite angry male, you have extremely poor intuition. The diminutive evil-grin and mumbly faced perma-pantomime are dead giveaways. It’s hardly a caricature unique to either side of the aisle. In fact, it’s rhetorically retarded partisan politics that allows for these low self-esteem blowhards to be elected in the first place. A guy like Franken doesn’t get far in a contest of well-thought out ideas enhanced by personal charm.

Franken’s now got a second groping accuser. The first being Playboy Playmate turned radio news hostess, Leeann Tweeden, who donned black lesbian glasses to let you know her accusations of forced tongue kissing and sophomoric titty twisters was serious. The new one a chick, Lindsay Menz, with seemingly no axe to grind who claims Franken gave her ass a full-hand squeeze while her husband snapped a pick of her at a Minnesota State Fair in 2010 with the Senator.

“I felt gross. It’d be like being walking through the mall and some random person grabbing your butt. You just feel gross. Like ew, I want to wash that off of me.”

Hence, the George Clooney test. When a good looking man gropes, it’s a thrill at the basest level. When Al Franken grabs your ass, it’s cooties galore. Fair enough. Though men are less judging of looks when it comes 

Menz told everybody around her what Franken had done immediately after the secret molester squeeze. She also posted the photo to Facebook calling Franken a “Creeper!”. This isn’t exactly a latter day story. You feel somewhat bad for the husband because you can’t really punch a teeny tiny Senator in the face based off your wife’s lament. There’s no way you win that war. Franken responded with a non-denial denial:

“I take thousands of photos at the state fair surrounded by hundreds of people, and I certainly don’t remember taking this picture. I feel badly that Ms. Menz came away from our interaction feeling disrespected.”

This would be the one where you squeezed in tightly with a reasonably attractive woman you didn’t know and pressed your body and head up against her like she was your girlfriend. For sake of reference, Lindsay Menz is Minnesota State Fair eight or nine. He remembers.

It’s not a criminal act in Minnesota to grab a chick’s ass outside her clothing, for the statute driven among us. It does seem to be the calling card of largely sad sack men able to get away with it. Bush Sr. included. Franken’s brand of mini-molestations involve feeling manly about humiliating the woman. With Tweeden, it was the haha I honked your breasts while you slept. With Menz, I squeezed your ass while your unaware smiling husband took our photo. You don’t see men of normal conquest feeling the need for this kind of impotent ego boost.

These political figures walk about DC like rockstars, with staffs, and minions, and supporters praising their greatness. It’s a heady trip for men accustomed to being tossed in the trash can by the jocks. They’ll never be manly enough to get their own girls. Thus, they remain groping twats with the occasional underaged girl molester or pederast among them. Half of them in the least. About the same in Hollywood. The victim confessionals could go on for many months.