Whenever a Jenndashian comes down from the unique buzz created by the mixing of seeping ass implant juices and lint covered horse Xanax from the bottom of Kris Jenner’s purse (allegedly, don’t sue) she must turn to the “How do you feel today?” chart on the fridge and attempt to contort her numbed face muscles into something regarding an expression. Beast Kardashian pointed to “hilarious” and kept it that way. The arguably most non-zombified member of the Jenndashian brothel is Kendall Jenner, and recently she pointed to the “sad” and “anxious” expressions – felling them so much so that she had to drop out of Paris Fashion Week. I know. I just started a Go Fund Me campaign for her as well.
On this weekend’s episode of Keeping Up With The Prostitutes, Jenner called her mother with an “emergency,” stating that she was in the throes of an anxiety attack. Deciding over a lip gloss isn’t necessarily what medical professionals would refer to as an “anxiety attack,” but Kris was able to take her daughter seriously, and responded:
You get anxious when you’re on the road.
To which Kendall said:
It’s hard to get your brain to slow down.
I’m sure her brain was going a mile a minute. Clinical anxiety is no joke, and yet it’s definitely a joke in reference to any of the Jenndashians. KUWTK’s gripping narrative was that Kendall’s anxiety kept her from doing blow (allegedly, don’t sue) with strung-out models at Paris Fashion Week. This is in stark contrast to whatever mental health issues are plaguing the likes of the homeless woman outside of my apartment building who literally scream stuttered at me: “Just su, just su, just su, just su, just suck your own dick why don’t you.” To which I thought: “How long exactly until you finally die?”
My point is that Kendall’s skipping of Paris Fashion Week as the ultimate sacrifice to abate anxiety is about as accessible to me as seeing Kim struggling to put on pants. Both women have clear-cut alternatives. Kim, wear a tarp, and Kendall, don’t claim to have debilitating anxiety from overexposure on a series that overexposes you.
Photo Credit: KUWTK / Instagram