Mary-Kate And Ashley Olsen Bring Old Testament Realness To Met Gala

May 8, 2018 | celebrity | Sam Robeson | 0 Comments


Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen have been dead on the inside and outside for a decade now, but that didn’t stop them from resurrecting themselves for last night’s Catholic imagery-themed Met Gala – where they brought Old Testimate fire and brimstone realness. As in it looks like they were set on fire. As soon as I saw the pics flooding in from our equivalent of a party thrown by The Capital in The Hunger Games I thought I would just pretend it didn’t happen and find some gross melting Instagram dumper to post about. But Mary-Kate has completed her transformation into Grandmother Willow from Pocahontas and someone needs to fucking talk about it.

The official theme for the annual gala was Heavenly Bodies: Fashion and the Catholic Imagination, and Jesus and God were for sure having a good chuckle from above as they observed the soulless amoral prostitutes parading around in reject costumes from Lady Gaga’s shitty Judus music video. Mary-Kate (left in the pic) famously served bowls of cigarettes as appetizers at her wedding, and it would appear that she indulged in seconds. And thirds. And fourths. The thirty-one-year-old not only smokes cigarettes but also seems to ingest them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and surely at this point has found a way to freebase them. I was expecting this pic to ignite WTF headlines, but after last night’s ceremony, Time Magazine simply published the article “The Olsen Twins Graced the 2018 Met Gala With Their Ethereal Presence” and Vogue published the think piece “The Olsens Just Schooled Everyone on Twinning Beauty at the Met Gala 2018.” Fake news fake news fake news. This is Grandmother Willow and a random mid-tier Keebler Elf and I won’t hear otherwise.

Photo Credit: Full House / Instagram / Twitter / Pacific Coast News

Tags: ashley olsen

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